it's a blog eat blog world
Sunday, February 20, 2005
I'm feeling extremely fucked.
A level results + impending doom of NS.
They're both at the edge of my subconscious, waiting to surface at my least wary moment. Everytime i turn around, the worry seeps into my mind like a memory that's been suppressed, but not forgotten.
=(
All of a sudden, my chest feels tight like there's a weight pressing on it. I feel like getting it over with, but then again, i wish it wouldn't come. I have to admit, its the results that are making me feel more jittery. And for good reason too. I totally fucked myself, and i didn't enjoy one bit of it. I keep saying that, at least when and if i retain, i'll still have my hair, but i don't mean it obviously.
I'm thinking of studying Law although i know for a fact that i'm never gonna make it. A good pass in all subjects and at least a B3 for GP seems a long shot for me. All Mab's fault for so influencing me. She even got me off the wanting-to-be-a-teacher thing. It had always been somewhere in the recesses of my mind that i might want to become a teacher, but Mab flushed that all out and i realised that teaching is not just a job, its a commitment, what with all the admin work and lesson plans and shit. And whats more, i can't even be bothered much to teach my two lil' brothers (no time even) so who am i to want to be a teacher?
After joining the workforce for close to 2 months now, i'm starting to feel like management ain't such a bad thing to be doing. Oh whatever. SMU's gonna be so crowded with town-crazy people anyway. I've heard the lines "I wanna go to SMU because its near town" only about a gazillion times already and to be frank, its kinda irritating. In a superficial, shallow kinda way. But maybe if i didn't stay as near to the other Universities as i am, i would consider it as much too.
Whats there to do anyway?
Psychology, Law, Geography, Business, Management... What else is there to be done with my choice of A levels? Argh. I'm going mad. I need to meet up with people that arn't my colleagues and do some stuff soon.
before i enter army.
I'm in desperate need to go back to TPchoir for one. Another need is to meet up with people like Weibin and just talk and chill. He's one guy that will always be my buddy, even if it's just through smsing. The old VS clique plus Chloe should also meet up before i lose my hair, although i've gotten quite enough of them during the CNY period. Haha! Although not very close to my classmates in TPJC, i still miss them lots, esp the guys, who made my transition into the class in year 2 so much the more easier.
Urgh. I sound like i'm losing my hair tomorrow. But these feelings just overcame me la... So might as well blog now, rather than not blogging when i actually enlist.
Yes Ridza, i'm so depressed now. =(
A level results + impending doom of NS.
They're both at the edge of my subconscious, waiting to surface at my least wary moment. Everytime i turn around, the worry seeps into my mind like a memory that's been suppressed, but not forgotten.
=(
All of a sudden, my chest feels tight like there's a weight pressing on it. I feel like getting it over with, but then again, i wish it wouldn't come. I have to admit, its the results that are making me feel more jittery. And for good reason too. I totally fucked myself, and i didn't enjoy one bit of it. I keep saying that, at least when and if i retain, i'll still have my hair, but i don't mean it obviously.
I'm thinking of studying Law although i know for a fact that i'm never gonna make it. A good pass in all subjects and at least a B3 for GP seems a long shot for me. All Mab's fault for so influencing me. She even got me off the wanting-to-be-a-teacher thing. It had always been somewhere in the recesses of my mind that i might want to become a teacher, but Mab flushed that all out and i realised that teaching is not just a job, its a commitment, what with all the admin work and lesson plans and shit. And whats more, i can't even be bothered much to teach my two lil' brothers (no time even) so who am i to want to be a teacher?
After joining the workforce for close to 2 months now, i'm starting to feel like management ain't such a bad thing to be doing. Oh whatever. SMU's gonna be so crowded with town-crazy people anyway. I've heard the lines "I wanna go to SMU because its near town" only about a gazillion times already and to be frank, its kinda irritating. In a superficial, shallow kinda way. But maybe if i didn't stay as near to the other Universities as i am, i would consider it as much too.
Whats there to do anyway?
Psychology, Law, Geography, Business, Management... What else is there to be done with my choice of A levels? Argh. I'm going mad. I need to meet up with people that arn't my colleagues and do some stuff soon.
before i enter army.
I'm in desperate need to go back to TPchoir for one. Another need is to meet up with people like Weibin and just talk and chill. He's one guy that will always be my buddy, even if it's just through smsing. The old VS clique plus Chloe should also meet up before i lose my hair, although i've gotten quite enough of them during the CNY period. Haha! Although not very close to my classmates in TPJC, i still miss them lots, esp the guys, who made my transition into the class in year 2 so much the more easier.
Urgh. I sound like i'm losing my hair tomorrow. But these feelings just overcame me la... So might as well blog now, rather than not blogging when i actually enlist.
Yes Ridza, i'm so depressed now. =(
posted by juni # 10:40 PM 
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