it's a blog eat blog world

Thursday, March 24, 2005

 
I'M BLACK AND FAT AND UGLY.

Oh, and i'm getting stupider.

Or as what Darren said, my brains got shaved off for $2 only.

Now i know what it means by "Rush to wait, wait to rush".

Seriously.

The sergeants ask us to do area cleaning and will come and check in half an hours time, but after we rush and rush to clean, they ask us to fall in. Like @$#%& la! And whats worse, i'm the bloody perm staff toilet cleaner. Everyday wipe the sergeants' pee off the urinals. Urgh. Stains also must get rid...

I'm getting damn bloody vulgur... And i have a very disgusting bunkmate who likes SM. He happens to be my second buddy... SUAY. My first buddy is the report sick IC. And i have to take over his duties if he falls sick. Guess what... He's asthmatic.

The only one in our entire platoon. DOUBLE SUAY.

Remember i said i wanted to become tanner and thinner and whatever?

I'm damn chao tar now... I look like a bah kua that had been roasted for too long.

And my fat content is like as high as bah kua. Wait... Make than higher than bah kua. I went in and gained weight ok!!!

Oh oh... I love drills! And i love singing songs during route marches! Damn fun...

I loved the song Purple Light... But after singing it like 3-5 times every route march, i totally abhor it now...

I changed the words while showering one night.

"Cellulite,
in my belly.
that is what,
I wanna see.
Be replaced,
by abs so shiny.
With my triceps and my biceps and me-e-e."


There's also a spastic version.

"Purple light,
in my belly.
I am a,
Teletubby.
Tinky Winky,
is my na-ame.
With Dipsy Lala Po we're one big family."


Ok la... I dunno what to put here already... A large chunk of this was typed out last night anyway... Today i went to town. And saw lots of botaks. Including 2 from my platoon and one sergeant. Gross.

(Psst, you guys are DAMN LUCKY my com is so screwed that Hello ain't working properly. Cos this way, i can't post my chao tar botak picture here. And you're lucky cos you get to keep the meal you ate before this safely in your stomachs.)

Thursday, March 10, 2005

 
Hello everyone, I'm Bryan Seacrust and welcome to the Blogbusters Results show! I promise it's gonna be a great show for you tonight....

Right after the break.

*cuts to commercials*

"I wan cookies in cream. No i wan strawberry! MUMMY!"

"I just got my paycheck! But i have to pay bills everywhere. Macdonalds is the only choice for me."

*cuts back to the awards show*

Welcome back everyone, now let's recap on last weeks show. We had 3 entries and they were all entertaining. In their own way.

Now, let's cut the crap and reveal the results...

Right after this break.

Kidding.

The winner of the Blogbuster Award for 2004 goes to...

*drumroll*



















*drumrolling*

























*rolling*














"Raynox as Britney"


With 22 votes, it had a tremendous lead of 9 votes for both the Botswana Idol and The Mermaid Parody, which both drawed at 13 votes.

This meant that only 48 people voted.

Meaning that at the most, only 48 people bothered voting once in the 8 days that the voting was open.

Damn... And American Idol had 10 million votes last night.

Bah!

*****

Let's come back to reality ok...

Picture this.

I was in the lift and it stopped at the 10th floor. A woman carrying a toddler and a grandmother (no the woman wasn't carrying the grandmother) came in together. The toddler was staring at me and i smiled at him (it?). The grandmother saw me smiling and smiled back.

Now... What can go wrong with this picture you ask? Plenty.



The grandmother said to the toddler, "Call uncle."

The toddler looked me straight in the eye and said, "Uncle."

-_-"...!!!

I almost *peng*! I slapped the grandmother, snatched the toddler out of her mother's arms and flung it out of the lift.

Kidding.

I maintained my composure and smiled back, and throughout the lift ride, i kept my head down.

After stepping out of the lift and leaving them behind, i started to *peng* for real.

UNCLE MY FOOT! WHERE GOT GRANDMOTHER TREAT 19 YEAR OLDS AS UNCLES??? WAH RAU!

Sob sob... I'm going in army the next day you still call me uncle... CAN HAVE PITY OR NOT?!?!

Bleah!

*****

Yup... I'm going to report to Tekong about 8 hours from now!

*smiles gleefully*

NOT!


My life as i know it will come to an end. Goodbye hair, goodbye social life, goodbye proper English! But hello muscles and tan!

I will miss EVERYONE!

TPJC classmates
Choir people
My closest friends from VS
My closest friends from VJ
My closest friends from TPJC
My closest juniors from TPJC
Colin, Scott, Jean, Alvin, Khoon Wee, Mabel, Chloe...

Those who don't fit into any category here, dun worry.... I'll miss you guys too!

You all better miss me!

BLEAH!

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

 
Welcome to the 2005 Blogbuster Award show of 2005!



We'd like to take this opportunity to thank the sponsors for this show... errr... Thank you sponsors!

Next up, it's time to hit the red carpet! This is gonna be a star-studded event!

First up, here's CKW from "Botswana Idol" fame!


Boy did he give a whole new meaning to "dressing down" for tonight's award ceremony. Let me remind you that one of the nominated entries actually feature him as the lead character!

Next up, give a round of applause for Glenn the Gland!


Although none of his films made it to the top three positions, he still cuts a suave figure with his black cotton shirt and his mouth agape.

Oh no! Can you viewers at home hear the rise in the level of female-hormonal-charged screeching??? This can only mean one thing!


The newly minted Singapore Idles Tauvester and Sylfik have arrived!

And as they walk down the red carpet, Tauvester's newly recorded single "I Dread" plays over the speakers.

"I dread,
I must run,
when the wind,
is so strong..."


Can you hear the scores of teenage girls singing along? I sure can.

Oh wait. News just come in. Tom Hanks has just arrived at the airport!


However, his country just lost a war and now he's a citizen of nowhere. So he's kinda stranded in the airport for now. No biggie, the show has got to go on!

We actually planned to have Beyonce as our guest performer of the night, but she was busy performing at the Grammys. However, we've found a replacement in the nick of time! Let's welcome on stage, the Hillibillies!




Audience: *stunned silence*

Errrr... That was definitely a rousing performance i must say! Let's give Hillibillies one more round of applause shall we?

Audience: *polite clapping*

OK! On to serious business now.

There are three nominees in the category of "Best Blogbuster of the year 2004" and here they are. Click on the pictures to refresh your memory.


"Botswana Idol"




"Reynolds as Britney Spears!"



And last but not least:


"The Little Mermaid: The Parody"



Remember to click on the pictures to refresh your memory of these unforgettable blogbusters of 2004 before casting your votes!



















Have you refreshed your memory enough to vote?


























Shouldn't you be enjoying yourself reviewing the blogbusters?



























I'm getting impatient! Go click on those pictures!






























Alright!!! So i presume you have refreshed your memory sufficiently and are raring to vote! It is my lawful duty to tell you that even though voting is based on your own discretion, you should only click on ONE link to vote for ONE blogbuster. Also, even though you can vote multiple times, i really appreciate if you vote only ONE time as it would be enough to decide which is the winner.

Besides, all the vote pages are identical!

Finally, it's time to vote! Please read the rules one more time though...





Alright!!! Voting begins now!

Please click on ONE link only!


"Botswana Idol"



"Reynolds as Britney Spears!"



"The Little Mermaid: The Parody"





Remember! Voting closes on the 10th of March 2005 so grab your friends and start voting today!

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