it's a blog eat blog world

I love 8 DAYS, don't you?



It has the latest dirt on celebrities both local and overseas, on fashion, good food and movies we should eat our wallets rather than watch.

However, i've noticed that recent issues of this family mag has become more brazen by the week.



Take for example this September 15 2005 one, which claimed to be the sexiest issue ever. They sure got our attention by featuring topless men spoofing endorsement ads by the fairer sex.



Who can forget that cringe-worthy picture of Gurmit Singh spoofing a slimming ad?

But never would i think that this supposedly family mag could rival every hot-blooded male's favourite toilet read, FHM.


Not until now.


omg, FHM costs $2 now???

Don't get me wrong cos i'm not complaining.



Joanne Peh looks like the total babe in the photo shots...

It's just that i'm a little worried about too much flesh being revealed in this so called family mag... Who knows who might be picking it up and flipping the pages? Your 89 year old grandfather would have a heart attack just looking at the cover.

What i mean is that if i want FHMisque pictures, i can jolly well go buy FHM. Or Maxim. Or Newman. Or SNAG. Or the other hundred or so other magazines for horny men. Is 8 DAYS gonna go down the path of smutdome?

Will we never see a nice family oriented cover again, with the closest thing to sex on it's cover being the ambiguous question asking if Spidey 2 was any good?


This was a July 2004 cover. I found it in the cupboard under the basin. With mould growing on it.

I know the answer is a resounding "no, not really".



That's because, lets face it, sex sells.

I know you are my best bud when you don't get angry even when i took your face,




and pasted it on this sex bomb's body,




to create something....




frightening...

OMG, i just went and deleted the whole chunk of stuff that i just typed. I feel so fucked. *pats own back* I'll try to recreate it, but it won't be the same.

I realised that i haven't exactly been diligent in blogging, but that's because i've been trying to adapt to my new schedule of one day mount, one day off. This means that i get to go home on alternate days and book in on the next mornings.

It kinda sucks because this means that i can't stay up late anymore because i have to obviously wake up early to book in. No more clubbing and late movies for me. Boohoo.

On the flip side, i actually serve half my NS because i'm actually in camp on alternate days only! Yipee! Not that its much of a consolation, but i'll take anything i can get man...

I've also realised that all this while, i've been blogging incessantly about Army and how it sucks, and i've neglected my funny creative lame side. I'm sure you have missed those blogbusters like "Botswana Idol" and the parody of "The Little Mermaid" (which you can get here in this entry).

I've decided to once more embrace my lameness to present to you an entry that isn't about Army, and how it sucks.

***

A few weeks ago, my uncle came back from his trip to China and brought with him souvenirs for my 2 little brothers (don't ask me why i didn't get any) which, i stumbled upon when coming back home late one night.



I thought to myself, "This is such a quaint looking thing, but what the heck is it?"



"Is it a vase? It looks nice with flowers in it." Coincidentally, if you thought the roses look nice, they're fake. The stalks are pens.



I immediately discarded that thought because it was made of cardboard, and you can't water the plants if you put them in there. What's more, it's hollowed in the center.



So what is this quirky object?


It wasn't until the next morning that my question got it's answer in the form of my brother's barging into my room and waking me up in the process. As i peered at them groggily, i noticed that they were wearing what seemed to be sunhats.



Upon closer inspection, i realised that those sunhats were actually the thing i saw last night. If i press the wide side onto my head, it opens up and fits nice and snug. Apparently, people in China, especially farmers use it as shelter against the sweltering sun.

However, this was no normal sunhat. It was actually a magical artifact stolen from the Dragon Palace of Eastern China. It allows the wearer to teleport to different places depending on how it is worn.



I was promptly whisked to the Central Plains of China, where the original wearers of this magical artifact toiled a hundred years ago. Luckily i had my camera with me and quickly snapped a photo to prove of the authenticity of the hat's powers!

I decided to try out other ways to wear the hat. This time, i decided to go funky!



To my surprise, i was whooshed to some discotheque! The strangest thing was that the lights were flashing and music was pumping, but there was nobody in sight!

Wait a minute, i think i see someone, a girl!

She introduced herself as Eva Chua and we had a long talk (it was more like her talking and me nodding) about how her life pretty much sucked. She told me about her high flying life as a model which came to a screeching halt when she met with an accident which disfigured her face. She went for intensive plastic surgery, but she still ended up looking like this!































"And after that, no agencies would hire me anymore!"*

I got bored of her air-headedness after awhile when suddenly i had a brainwave! Why not try wearing the hat the other way?



I got teleported instantaneously to Roswell! I thought that Eva had came along as i heard her droning on behind me, but when i turned around, i saw that it was a UFO flying towards me that was making that noise! I freaked out and ran into the nearest house that would let me in.



Apparently, after wrapping their heads, they went on to wrap the entire house with foil. And then they ran out, so i had to keep my hat on.

Sitting around waiting for imminent death wasn't my cuppa tea, so i decided to leave. I took off the hat and jammed it on my head the right way up.



Somehow, it worked and i was finally back home! Phew! Glad to be away from all that... Although i have to say, i kinda miss Eva...


*you always wanted to be Eva Longoria didn't you. =P